


Losing you

by weddingbells



Category: Union J (Band)
Genre: Death, M/M, Sorrow, dream - Freeform, fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:14:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I hope you fucking die.” George yelled before anyone could stop him. “I hope you fucking fall off a cliff on your fucking pretty face that you love so much and I hope you die JJ, just go die, my life is so much better without you!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing you

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Gosh-twitcams, Gosh-moments, Rylett-photos, Rylett-kisses and just all the Union J drama.

“What, so it’s just for fun?” the reporter asked and JJ, who was quite a bit too drunk to even realize what he was saying, nodded.

“Gosh? Yeah. Not real at all. Just a lame publicity stunt. Works though, I guess.”

“But for real, they’re just tricking everyone?” the reporter had big eyes now and scribbled fanatically in the notebook.

“Yeah, then they don’t have to deal with any real problems.” JJ said and drained the last of his drink. “You know, like actual feelings and…”

“JJ, shut up!”

George, who had heard it all walked over to the table at the bar were JJ was sitting. JJ grinned drunkenly when he saw him.

“Look, here he is. Maybe you can get a comment from the actual person.” He said to the reporter and got up from his chair, about to leave.

“I don’t have any comments, get out of here!” George yelled to the reporter and security quickly walked over to escort the reporter out.

“But I…” the reporter yelled back at George, but George didn’t even notice because he was furious and eyes were on JJ.

“Fuck sake, JJ.” George pushed the older guy a bit too hard. JJ almost tripped and fell onto Josh, who had walked over as well to see what was going on.

“What is it?” Jaymi asked, who had noticed the discussion as well. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” JJ swung around and headed for the back door. “I’m out of here.”

“Don’t you think you can walk away from this!” George yelled and quickly followed him.

“What’s going on?” Josh asked, who looked a bit tipsy as well as the other boys as he followed them outside. “What happened?”

“He…” George grunted and pointed at JJ. “He told a reporter that Gosh is just for fun. And talked about us like we’re idiots.”

“Well.” JJ said, grinning as he turned to George. “Sometimes you are.”

George screamed and before anyone realized what happened he threw himself at JJ and punched him in the face. Jaymi screamed and Josh gasped, as the other tumbled down on the ground, continuing to fight.

”Break it up guys, break it up!” Josh yelled and tried to grab George before he swung again at JJ, but George was uncontrollable right now and Josh couldn’t hold him for more than a couple of seconds. Jaymi, who tried to hold JJ back was unsuccessful as well because JJ simply pushed him away and attacked again, him and George falling to the ground, rolling around as they both tried to punch the other.

“Stop it, stop it!” Jaymi pleaded and he actually looked close to tears as he and Josh tried again to separate the other boys. This time Josh was successful though, and he held a panting, annoyed George far away from JJ who was still on the ground. George had a cut right over his lip and JJ spat blood on the ground as he wiped off his bloody nose, who had suffered a few too many strikes from George’s knuckles.

“You guys, this is madness.” Josh began but JJ and George just grunted at him. “Guys, come on!” he tried again and carefully loosened his grip around George when it felt like the bloke had calmed down a bit more, not about to lunge at JJ. “You have to talk about this.”

“He had no right!” George said, his body shaking as he raised a finger to point at JJ. His bottom lip trembled and he went from looking like a violent person to look like someone about to break into tears any second. “He had no right to say those things about me!”

“What?” JJ yelled and raised his arms. “That the whole thing with you two is just a pathetic publicity stunt? Because it is, you know, and don’t you deny it. You just play along to get more attention, and it’s so lame.”

“You’re one to talk!” George screamed back at JJ and he now had tears in his eyes out of frustration. He made a move to lunge at JJ again but Josh held him back. “You’re the same pathetic little git, JJ. You go with Rylan whenever it seems fitting. What’s the difference? You’re just like us.”

JJ shook his head laughing and gave George a daring look.

“A couple of times, yeah. Still you do it all the time. Just because you’re too scared to admit how you’re really feeling.”

“You’re just pissed because it didn’t work out between us! Because you can’t have me.” George yelled. “You’re such a pathetic loser, JJ.”

“Guys, come on, George, that wasn’t…” Jaymi started, but JJ just snorted at George comment, like it didn’t really bother him at all.

“Like I couldn’t have anyone else than you? Please, I’m fucking JJ Hamblett.”

George opened his mouth to reply to that as well but Josh cut in, looking like he didn’t want more harsh word exchange.

“Guys, you’re drunk, you’re gonna say something you regret if we don’t…”

“I hope you fucking die.” George yelled before anyone could stop him. “I hope you fucking fall off a cliff on your fucking pretty face that you love so much and I hope you die JJ, just go die, my life is so much better without you!”

A moment of silent followed as George, panting, heavy breathing, looked daring at JJ as if he waited for JJ’s reply. JJ just stared at him. Jaymi and Josh got pale as they heard George’s comment.

“Fine, Shelley.” JJ said finally, in a bitter tone that was like nothing they had ever heard before. “You know what? Just fine. I tried with you.”

“JJ…” Jaymi began, but JJ shook off his arms and left the other three there, jumping into his car before anyone could stop him. Jaymi turned to George.

“That really was too much, George.”

“What, he deserved it, I…”

“George.” Jaymi gave him a serious glare. “I am so pissed off right now you don’t even want to talk to me. Shut up before you say something even more stupid than you already have. That was horrible.”

George got a bit pale, like he knew that he maybe had crossed the line, but then he looked at Josh, as if to see if he would support him. Josh just shook his head.

“That was not okay George. It was so not okay. Let’s get you home before you insult someone else.”

*

George’s head hurt when he woke up. He thought he was going to be sick but then he found a glass of water next to his bed and he drank all of it in a couple of sips and it actually made the nausea go away.

 _“Jaymi”_ he thought as he looked at the glass because Jaymi was one of those people that really thought of the little things. Slowly memories of last night came flooding back to him and he remembered the fight with JJ. A tug of bad conscience hit him, because maybe he really had taken things a bit too far, but then again, JJ had been a complete dick to him so it was only fair.

George looked around, trying to focus despite the harsh light coming through the window, and just when he found his pants in one of the corners and was about to go put them on, he heard soft voices outside his door.

“Should we… how do we tell him?”

“I don’t…”

George heard a silent sob, like someone had trouble controlling their feelings, like they tried so hard not to cry but just couldn’t keep quiet. He was puzzled. Was it Josh?

“Maybe someone else should, I mean, we…”

“No, we have to. It’s better like this.”

George heard a soft knock on his door. He hesitated, like he didn’t want to open the door because it was obvious someone was about to tell him news he didn’t want to hear. He felt cold, but then he reached out for the door handle and opened the door.

Outside was Josh and Jaymi. Jaymi’s face was red and pale at the same time, and striped with tears and sweat. He looked like he had been crying for hours and hours. George turned to Josh. Josh looked like a rock, his face didn’t really show any emotion at all but then again, George knew that he was often like that. George opened his mouth, as if trying to speak but nothing seemed to come out.

“Where…” he asked finally, after the three boys had been staring at each other. “Where’s JJ? He’s not with you?”

Jaymi took a breath and then tears started to fall down his cheeks again. George looked at him and then at Josh, and Josh’s whole body was shaking.

“Guys, I…” George asked, the tone in his voice now desperate. “Say something, I… where’s JJ? I don’t understand.”

“Ge-George.” Jaymi said and his voice sounded hollow and broken. “There’s been… There’s been an accident.”

George felt the blood in his veins freeze as all the heat in the room disappeared.

“Wh-what?” he asked, blinking, not wanting an answer to the question. “What kind of accident?”

“George.” Josh said, his voice really quiet, just barely a whisper. “Maybe you should sit down.”

“I don’t wanna sit down.” George said, and he felt his hands shake as he looked down on them. “Where’s JJ? Why isn’t he with you?”

“George…” Jaymi began, tears still falling down his cheeks, but George interrupted him.

“No.” George felt his voice get squeaky. “No. Go get JJ, Josh. He should hear this too, if it’s important, right? You need to get him.”

“Please, George, listen…” Josh tried again, but George didn’t want him to finish.

“No, we have to get JJ.” He said and then he felt something wet on his cheek. A tear had trailed its way down from the corner of his eye.  “What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you wait for JJ?”

“Because we can’t.” Jaymi cried and he took a few steps into George’s room, opening up his arms to embrace George, but George stepped away from him, his body shaking and his lips trembling.

“No, no, no.” he whispered as he looked at Josh and Jaymi. Now there were tears in Josh’s eyes as well, as if he couldn’t keep them inside anymore.

“George, it was… his car hit a tree, it was the rain, he must’ve lost control of the wheel, and…” Josh bit his lip, like he couldn’t continue. George stared at him, like he was unsure if he was even real. “He didn’t have a chance. It was too… It was over quickly, they tell us that anyway. He died, George. I… I’m so-sorry, George. He’s gone.”

“Georgie…” Jaymi said and reached out his arms again to hug George, but George had fallen to the floor.

George curled up like a ball, holding his arms around his legs and rocking back and forth.

“No, no, this can’t be happening, no, you’re lying.” He screamed at Josh and Jaymi. “Go away. You’re lying, this can’t be real, JJ never… Stop!”

“George.” Jaymi cried, and fell down on the floor next to George, trying to get him to calm down as Josh did the same thing. “George, you have to listen to this, I know, I understand I…”

“You don’t understand.” George screamed and now tears were streaming down his face as he tried to hide his face in his hands, like that would help him to disappear from the room. He wanted Jaymi and Josh to go away because they were telling him lies, it couldn’t be true, George didn’t even know if this was real, the earth couldn’t still be spinning and life couldn’t just go on like this if JJ was gone. It couldn’t be true. Jaymi and Josh looked at each other with worrying eyes. “I told him… I…”

Josh and Jaymi both put their arms around George and they hugged him tightly, even though George was squirming as he was trying to get away.

“Georgie… we’re here for you.” Josh whispered. “We try to…”

“You don’t understand.” George cried silently as everything in his body hurt like someone was beating him with a stick over and over again. “I told him I wished he was dead. I told him to go die. This is my fault.”

“George.” Jaymi hugged him tighter. “JJ, he… He knows you didn’t mean that, he…”

“I loved him.” George whispered into the floor, like a secret finally revealed. “I told the man I love more than anything that he should go die.”

Josh stroke George’s hair, trying to calm him down.

“I…” Jaymi began, but he didn’t know what he should say because he couldn’t find any words that was good enough for this. “We…”

“I just want to be alone.” George said, still just a whisper. Josh and Jaymi looked worried at each other, like they didn’t think this was a good idea.

“Please.” George said and looked at them. “Please.”

“Okay.” Jaymi said, and squeezed George’s shoulder. “But come talk to us soon, please.”

Josh nodded and he and Jaymi got up. Josh glanced at George, still on the floor as they closed the door.

George waited until he heard them walk down the stairs. Then he sat up, walked out the door and slowly walked to the end of the corridor, where JJ’s room was. He hesitated before he put his hand on the handle and opened it.

George had expecting JJ to be there, that this would all be a joke to teach him a lesson. But George walked into an empty room where the bed was made and JJ wasn’t there. George took a deep breath and carefully laid down on the bed, putting his head on JJ’s pillow. As he took another deep breath he could smell JJ’s scent, still in the bed covers and George closed his eyes pretending he was still there as he cried silently into the blankets.

*

“George?”

Jaymi walked over carefully, like he was afraid he would hurt George if he came to close to him. George looked up.

“Uhm. The family wonders… The funeral. If you knew anything more…”

George looked around. They were at a funeral home, planning JJ’s funeral. Planning JJ’s final rest and George just didn’t know how to handle that they were going to put JJ in a coffin and bury him, that JJ was gone and he was still here, and the world still kept spinning like nothing had happened. George looked over to the corner were JJ’s family were standing, discussing flowers. He shivered.

“The flowers.” He said, nodding at the ones the family seemed to pick. “They’re wrong. JJ doesn’t like orchids. He thinks they’re too sassy. He told me.”

His voice was silent.

“He… he didn’t like them.” George corrected himself and Jaymi got tears in his eyes. “JJ _didn’t_ like orchids. Could you tell them, please?”

George looked at the flowers as if he would be sick. Jaymi nodded.

“I’ll tell them, I’ll do it right away. Are you… are you okay, Georgie?”

“Yes.” George said, knowing that he was once again telling the biggest lie of them all. “I’m fine, just fine. Could you ask them to pick something green, please? JJ…” he was silent, about to say the wrong word again. “JJ _liked_ green stuff.”

*

“Maybe we should just sell the house.” Josh said, as he, George and Jaymi were sitting around the kitchen table. “I don’t… I don’t know what we should do.”

“Maybe it could be a guest room.” Jaymi said, and regretted saying it as he looked at George.

“We already have three guest rooms.” George said, his voice cold and empty like he wasn’t really there. “We… we don’t need more guest rooms.”

“Well, we could keep it like it is.” Josh hurried to say. “I mean, it’s…”

George laughed, but it was cold as his voice and not real.

“Why? He doesn’t need it anymore. JJ is dead. He’s not gonna… he doesn’t need his room. He’s dead. Gone.”

Jaymi got tears in his eyes and reached over to touch George’s arm. George didn’t seem to notice.

“We don’t have to decide right away.” He whispered and looked at George. “It’s no rush. We can think about it for as long as we want, we just…”

“Just do whatever you want.” George said and got up from the table. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

*

“I thought I’d find you here.”

Josh smiled faintly as he found George on JJ’s bed. George looked up at him. He was hugging JJ’s pillow, holding on to the last piece of his scent that he could find.

“I… JJ’s family wants to know if… well they, they asked if you want to keep his things. Like, his… belongings. Or if they can keep some of it. Like his trophies or… the grammy.”

George looked up into the ceiling.

“I want JJ.” He whispered and Josh’s eyes filled with tears.

“George, I…”

“I know he’s gone.” George whispered and tears streamed down his face. “He’s gone, but I… I just want him to come back, Josh? I just want him back. Please, just bring him back to me.”

Tears fell down Josh’s face and he walked over to the bed to hold George’s hand.

“George, I can’t do that.” he whispered, his voice weak and broken. “I wish I… But I can’t do that.”

“I know.” George said, still staring at the ceiling. “And it’s my fault that he’s gone. If I hadn’t… it’s all my fault.”

“Don’t say that.” Josh begged, but George shook his head and closed his eyes, like he was falling to sleep.

“It is my fault.” He mumbled, eyes heavy and head tired. “JJ is gone, and it’s my fault…”

*

George woke up with a start. There was a massive screech outside his window as a truck drove by and the sound really hurt his head. He looked around. He was in his own bed, still in the same clothes he’d worn to the bar. He paused his mind for a second. That was strange. Didn’t he wear something else than this? And didn’t he fall asleep in JJ’s bed? Did someone move him here?

Slowly he got out of bed, feeling a bit nauseous as he walked to the door. He leaned his forehead into his hand, trying to stop the world from spinning. He opened the door and headed out from the room, and that’s when he heard the voices from downstairs.

“Jay, it’s your turn to make lunch. And no, don’t order! I want something homecooked.”

JJ laughed at Jaymi’s comment.

“What if I order and then write homecooked on the boxes?”

“Fuck off.”

George walked down the stairs, not really sure what to believe when he looked into the living room, seeing Josh, JJ and Jaymi on the sofa, all looking lazy and watching the football game. They stopped laughing when they saw George.

“What’s… what’s going on?” George slowly asked, not understanding a thing. “I…”

JJ’s smile disappeared and he grunted something.

“JJ, you’re alive?” George finally asked after a moment of silent, and the others looked at him puzzled.

“Yeah.” JJ snorted. “You think that you can wish me off the planet? No, sorry Shelley, I’m still here even though you told me to go die, you can’t get rid…”

He was interrupted by George, who with a scream of joy threw himself at JJ, knocking over glasses and almost crushing Josh in the process before he finally had his arms around JJ.

“You’re alive.” He cried into JJ’s chest, hugging him as tight as he could, afraid to let go. “You’re alive. You’re not dead.”

JJ looked over at Jaymi and Josh, like looking after an explanation from them, but the other boys looked just as confused as he was.

“Yeah, you doofus.” JJ said, finally and tried to get out of George’s grip. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I had… a dream.” George tried to explain but he was still crying so much that it was difficult to form words. “You died, and I… and the flowers, they wanted to pick orchids but I told them you don’t… and…”

George got flushing red and he looked down into his hands.

“I’m sorry JJ.” He mumbled. Behind his back Josh made a sign to Jaymi who nodded, and they both left the room, letting JJ and George be alone to talk. “I’m so, sorry, I don’t… I feel stupid, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t.” JJ said and he looked at George. “You can’t say stuff like that, George. Even if you’re drunk.”

“I was just so… I didn’t like how you talked about Gosh to that reporter.” George tried to explain. JJ shook his head.

“Maybe it was stupid. But it is somewhat the truth, you know, and I… Well, I guess I’m tired of being jealous.” He shrugged. George looked up, eyes still filled with tears as he looked at JJ.

“Can you forgive me for saying those things?” he asked. JJ looked like he didn’t know what to say. He was quiet for a while.

“I don’t know.” He said after a couple of moments. “I… You told me your life was better without me, George.”

“I know.” George cried. “I don’t even know why I said that, I… it’s not the truth, I… I don’t want to be without you JJ, I just want to be with you.”

JJ smiled faintly.

“I’m not sure. You hurt me.”

“I’m sorry.” George whispered. “Please, let me make it up to you. I’ll do anything.”

JJ looked at him and then he smiled.

“Well, I’m sorry too, for saying those things. Maybe we can try to be friends again, like we used to?”

George breathed out.

“Yes, please. I’d like that.”

JJ smiled.

“Friends?”

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
